I love me some football and I love me some Star Wars. So, here’s my draft of Last Jedi characters for my CFL team, along with gridiron rationale to back it all up.
Well, I’ve got Rey on my team, naturally. She’s the franchise quarterback around which I build my dynasty. Young, with a lot of promise, she’s just coming into her own. Imagine how easily she’ll be able to read defences, under pressure, when she perfects that whole Jedi mind thing. Plus, as we already know, no one throws a corner route like Rey.
Chewbacca? Aging, sure, but big enough to protect Rey’s backside and might just be able to handle Charleston Hughes on a regular basis.
Maybe. I’d “Quinn Smith” Chewy as well, just to see what he’s got on the other side of the ball too. Mad knockdown skills, I’m betting.
Kylo Ren? This is a real toughie because of the tremendous skills he possesses, obviously. But, is he a team guy? I’m not fond of selfish freelancers, even if they are stooopid talented. He seems like an Empire guy through and through so if my team’s based in Edmonton, yeah, I take him. #ONEEmpire
General Leia is my head coach and general manager. She’s seen it all and then some and has emerged with the tactical brain of a Bud Grant as well as the daring of a Don Matthews. Also, she’s the one who really knew Rey had great potential and needed to meet Luke Skywalker. So she’s got a Wally Buono side to her as well.
Luke is Quarterbacks Coach, naturally. He may have some ideas for the offence, in general, but his real strength is in footwork, as we’ve seen in so many lightsaber fights. Crowd noise would never be a problem when calling plays, ’cause he and Rey could just communicate telepathically instead of relying on headset to helmet electronics.
No stormtroopers would be on my team. Zero. I mean, can these guys hit anything with those blasters? Ever? They. Are. The. Worst. I wouldn’t even trust them with my club’s water bottles. Pass.
Okay, I take ONE stormtrooper and that’s Finn. And only because he’s a FORMER stormtrooper who CAN actually hit stuff with his blaster. He struggled on his initial team, the First Order, but that’s on them, not him. They tried to force him into their existing schemes instead of building one around his obvious talents. He started to really develop when he hooked up with the Resistance and he’ll absolutely blossom in Leia and Skywalker’s playbook.
I don’t really know what this new creature known as a Porg is other than it is little, seems energetic and – I’m assuming – difficult to corral.
It has big, big eyes and so should be able to see the field well. Early reactions from the trailer for Last Jedi clearly indicate it’s a crowd pleaser, so the Porg will be my game-breaking punt returner.
Oh and that little soccer ball of a droid, BB-8? Bringing it aboard as my analytics expert.
Can’t wait for the season to start. Calling it Star Wars: Rouge One.
Follow your favourite players and coaches after the whistle!