In My Words | Nick Arbuckle: Thanks, Dad
Nick Arbuckle‘s story on being the Toronto Argonauts’ starting quarterback at the 111th Grey Cup, as told to CFL.ca senior writer Chris O’Leary.
“My dad will be home watching, but I’ll feel him with me. My mom, too. We lost her when I was young. Before every game I say prayers for my mom to be with me, and I’ll feel the presence of both of them.”
— Nick Arbuckle
The core of my football being, I guess you could say, comes from my dad, Steve.
Some of my very first memories of my life are being, three, four, five years old on the football field over at the high school near where we lived, where my dad was coaching. Two of my three older brothers were playing and I was just a little four-year-old going and taking people’s water, for the players that were practising. I just loved being around my dad and seeing him, just counting down the days until I hit seven years old, when I could play football. Early on, I wanted to be a coach before a player. I just loved seeing my dad as a coach that much.
The disposition that he’s always had and how he was able to be the person he needed to be on the field, but never that person at home in our life was a huge thing. He was so gentle at home. If something was going on, I’d go to my parents’ room and sit down on their bed with my dad, and we could just have a heart-to-heart conversation about whatever might be going on in my life.
As a father with us he was just about love and expectations of being a good person. We just wanted to live up to it because we wanted to make him proud.
I know he wouldn’t have wanted to miss this and would love to be here, but he told my brothers and I in October that he was diagnosed with very early stage prostate cancer.
The doctors actually caught it so early that they couldn’t even treat it, they just monitored it. He finally began the treatments for it a few weeks ago and so he’s kind of in the middle of that and can’t make the trip up. There’s a lot of hope for it. It’s early and he’s doing well. There’s good odds. Fortunately they caught it in the earliest stage that they possibly could, so that’s good.
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The news put the whole season in perspective for me. My dad is 76. He lives in Arizona. My brothers are all in different states with their families. I want him to be able to continue to come to my games, I want him to get time with his granddaughters, Aaliyah and Ariyah. You want to take advantage of the moments to get together; we’re gonna do that after the season’s over.
There are just so many things that you absorb from having a dad like mine. Our bookshelves were stocked with books about great coaches and great players. I read them all as a kid. That’s how I learned about being a quarterback, what you need in that position. That’s what’s made me how I’ve always been.
One of my favourite things now is hearing similar things as an adult, that I’m the way that I am on the field, and that different person at home. When I’m at home, I’m calm and happy. I’m laughing. My voice changes. I’m just a dad that plays with my kids and a husband that’s present and there for my wife, Zakiyyah.
But when I’m on the football field or in the locker room…you know, I curse. I’m intense. I have high expectations and am demanding but at the same time I also can tap into that understanding and talking to somebody and communicating the way I would with anybody off the field, knowing what they need. I can tap into both sides of it. Then sometimes I feel like I just black out on the field and am a different person.
On game day, I’m watching my guys.
Wherever you’re playing, your teammates are a wide range of personalities. Some of them thrive under being loose and having fun, not taking things too seriously, not getting in their heads, that’s when they play their best. Some of them you can see some anxiousness. The moment’s big, you know? They’re excited but they’re a little bit more in their shell than they normally are.
It could be as simple as making a joke. Getting a laugh to loosen them up a little bit, just to remind them that this is fun, to try to take some of the pressure off.
Some of them don’t talk much. They’re focused and locked in, that’s how they perform. Sometimes on a big game, though, they come out and they’re excited and antsy, they’re louder than they normally are. Those guys you need to bring down, settle them. You tell them that once kickoff comes, those nerves are gonna go away. That’s what we do: we lock in, we execute.
There’s been a lot of talk about me this week, starting on Sunday in the Grey Cup. I was a free agent this year until May 19, when the Argos brought me in. My wife and I, our work visas were getting close to expiring and I was about a month away from shifting from a player to a coach, exploring those options. I played backup all season in Toronto, doing everything I could to help this team win another Grey Cup.
Then last week in one play, everything changed.
I saw Chad Kelly go down and how he tried to put his foot on the ground after and it turned sideways immediately. What happens next happens quickly and to be honest, I kind of black out when I’m out there. It comes back to you afterwards but in the moment, you’re just playing football.
People have asked me all week about how I’ll handle this game, this opportunity and everything that comes with it. They wonder about where I’ll be mentally, if I can handle this. I learned a long time ago that when everyone around me is in a good space, and that I’ve done my part to help get them there, that I’m in a good space too.
Such a big part of being a quarterback is making sure that we have a hold on the heartbeat of the team and what we’re doing, knowing what your teammates need emotionally to perform at their best. You need to know where they’re at and how to get them where they need to be.
Being that person that brings calmness and a vision to how we’re gonna get things done gets me ready for this game. That’s how I’ve spent this week.
On Sunday, I’ll go through our normal game day routine with our QBs coach, Mike Miller. I’ll look up to the stands and I’ll see my wife and our girls. My dad will be home watching, but I’ll feel him with me. My mom, too. We lost her when I was young. Before every game I say prayers for my mom to be with me, and I’ll feel the presence of both of them. I’ve played away from my dad for a long time, but I always remember the things he told me and coached me and his philosophy of football. We always talk on the phone before games, too.
I’ll look at my teammates and make sure they’re where they need to be so they can perform. Once I do that, I’ll be good, too.