THE CANADIAN PRESS
Time for the annual: “Which Christmas movie best resembles a CFL player/team/moment” piece! This may be my favourite thing to write as it allows me to look back at the year that was and indulge my love of Christmas movies all in one slightly overwritten column (Warning: Over 1,800 words!). There is no way you will agree with all of them and I have to admit some may, just may, be a bit of a stretch, but come on, isn’t this the season to forgive? So settle in with a novelty sized glass of Eggnog (rum optional) and (hopefully) enjoy.
‘A Christmas Story’ = Ottawa
Throughout the movie Ralphie had one singular goal: to get the holy grail of Christmas presents, the Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle! Ralphie had to wait till the very end of the Christmas morning gift opening before his parents finally sprung the rifle on him. Ottawa had been waiting till 1976 before they were able to hold the ultimate prize for every CFL player, the Grey Cup.
‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ = Calgary Stampeders
A twisted tale that took the Christmas movie to places that no one saw coming. I imagine that is exactly how most Stampeders players felt like at the conclusion of the Grey Cup, in complete bewilderment that this is how their season came to an end. This movie was brilliant on so many levels but it never fully clicked with me; visually you had to marvel at the work done by Tim Burton and his production team but I was never emotionally invested with the story. Calgary had a chance to be an all-time team but slipped up at the end. Both movie and team will be recognized for their greatness but in each case they just barely missed the mark of being a classic.
RELATED:
» The best 16 games of 2016
» Catching up with top prospect Danny Vandervoort
» Cauz: What the numbers tell us about 2016
Kienan Lafrance runs for a first down in the Eastern Final (The Canadian Press)
‘How the Grinch stole Christmas’ = Moe Leggett
I imagine that Leggett felt just like the inhabitants of Whoville after the Grinch pilfered all their presents upon hearing the news of who had been named to the CFL All-Star team, and more precisely who had been left off. I know I’m showing my bias here but how the hell did Leggett not make it?? He was second in the league with seven interceptions, returning three for touchdowns. Leggett was fifth on the team in tackles and forced two fumbles. When the Bombers needed a big play from their defence, Leggett, more often than not, was the guy in the middle of it all. Hey, don’t take my word for it — even Bo Levi Mitchell tweeted out that he couldn’t believe Maurice was left off the team.
‘Bad Santa’ = Multiple winners
To the Saskatchewan Roughriders for roster violations. To the Edmonton Eskimos and Head Coach Jason Maas for not exactly being the most cooperative when it came to wearing a live microphone during a game in early October. No better post-game entertainment than Austin dealing with media members after a bad loss and a question that the coach deems as pointless. A deadly combination. And finally, to all the improper socks that were worn by so many different players leading to undisclosed fines.
‘Die Hard’ = Edmonton
I’m not going to go all art school and give you some pseudo-intellectual pretentious review about this classic. Let’s keep it simple, ‘Die Hard’ was filled with explosions starring one of the toughest action stars ever, John McClane. The Eskimos provided plenty of explosive plays between Adarius Bowman and Derel Walker. Beyond that All-Star duo, three other Edmonton receivers had catches of 70 yards or more.
Doing his best Bruce Willis impersonation was Mike Reilly, who in 2015 was a repeat winner as the toughest player in the league as voted on by his peers. Reilly got knocked out with an arm injury in an Eastern Semi-Final win over Hamilton and he came back the next week, throwing 41 passes against Ottawa. Reilly took a vicious shot late in that playoff win and after first seeing it, I wondered if we would see James Franklin the following week. Instead, Reilly toughed it out just like McClane taking out Hans Gruber.
‘I’ll Be Home for Christmas’ = Charleston Hughes and Solomon Elimimian
Alright, this movie clearly stinks but I had to add it to celebrate the return of Hughes and Elimimian to where they belong. Calgary returns its best pass rusher while the return of Elimimian is critical for a Lions team that has set Adam Bighill free to pursue a career in the NFL. Listen, I’m an old man, I hate change. I still own a Blackberry I am not emotionally prepared to live in a world where Elimimian is playing for another team (he’s been with the Lions for seven seasons) and the same goes for Hughes who’s been with Calgary since 2008. The lesson in all this, don’t see that Jonathan Taylor Thomas garbage movie that received a generous score of 23 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes.
RELATED:
» Sticking with Solly: Lions re-up Elimimian
» Choosing Hughes: Stamps’ top rusher stays put
Solomon Elimimian was the CFL’s top defensive player in 2016 (Jimmy Jeong/CFL.ca)
‘Ernest Saves Christmas’ = Ernest Jackson
Alright I’ll be honest, I never saw this movie, I was just trying to add Ernest Jackson to the list. Was this movie any good? Did it win multiple Oscars? I feel shame for this entry. Moving on.
‘White Christmas’ = The Eastern Final
There were plenty of better games played this year but did any look as cool as Ottawa’s 35-23 win over Edmonton? The field was an avalanche of snow, making it near impossible to have any idea what yard line the offence was and no one had a clue if either team gained a first down. It was glorious! You want to get more casual fans to watch your product? Just add a foot of snow, mix in a heavy wind blowing it all over the place and a dash of players doing snow angels as celebrations and you have compelling television. I was at a Santa Clause Parade party and that game got more attention from the non sports fans because of the weather.
‘Elf’ = Adam Bighill
Buddy the Elf leaves his wintery home to head down south to the United States to find something very important for him, his father. Adam Bighill has been granted permission by the Lions to go seek out something very important for him, a potential NFL employer. As always, I’m torn on this one. On the altruistic side I wish nothing but the highest level of success for Bighill but on the selfish side I’d love to have him back with the Lions.
‘Gremlins’ = Chris Williams
The movie started out all warm and lovely with the Peltzer family and their new cuddly pet, Gizmo, and all is good and right in their world. An hour into the movie, misfortune abounds as an army of evil gremlins is terrorizing Kingston Falls. As for Williams, everything was working out perfectly for him whether it was Trevor Harris or Henry Burris lobbing him passes. Williams had a gaudy 1,269 receiving yards before tearing his ACL in early October. Ottawa managed to survive the injury meanwhile back in Kingston Falls Billy Peltzer and Kate Beringer (Played by Phoebe Cates!) manage to thwart Spike and the rest of the Gremlins. For any reader under 30 I recommend you Google both this film and Cates.
‘Charlie Brown Christmas’ = T.J. Heath
I’m focusing on the emotional centre of the film, the poor Christmas tree that Charlie Brown brought for the school’s Christmas play. Now that tree starts out in poor shape and really isn’t appreciated. Charlie is in despair when he believes he killed it. However, the tree is miraculously transformed by Charlie’s friends and boom! The whole gang is singing ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing’ in the climatic scene that always makes you a little bit misty.
On the football side, T.J. Heath was playing great with Toronto but his play was going largely unnoticed playing for an Argonauts team that would win its final game of the season in Heath’s final game as an Argonaut (He had two interceptions in that one!) But then a miracle happened and the Argonauts traded him to Winnipeg for Drew Willy. Suddenly, Heath was in the middle of the Blue Bombers’ playoff run, adding two interceptions for his new team. I’d say going from a last place team in the East to an 11-win Winnipeg squad is a pretty damn good metamorphosis.
T.J. Heath celebrates following a play in the Western Semi-Final (CFL.ca)
‘Miracle on 34th Street’ = Nikolas Lewis
Let’s see, one is about an elderly individual proving that he exists and the other is about Santa Claus winning a court case proving his identity. I imagine many people were counting out Nik Lewis considering both his age and the quarterbacking situation in Montreal. Instead, at the age of 34, he set a career high for receptions in a single season and recorded his first 1,000 yard season since 2012. On the other side, Kris Kringle went before the New York Supreme Court to confirm he was the real deal, that he was in fact Santa Claus. In both real life and on the silver screen the old man got it done.
‘Fred Claus’ = Simoni Lawrence
The best part of ‘Fred Claus’ is Vince Vaughn and his ability to unleash crazy monologues and take down any other character verbally. Vaughn is high energy and damn entertaining every time he’s on the screen. Simoni Lawrence s one of the more entertaining defensive players, finishing fourth in the league in tackles while chipping in with four sacks, one interception and scored a touchdown. On top of all that, few players can trash talk the way Lawrence does and he’s a fantastic interview. In a wildly inconsistent season for Hamilton, Lawrence was one of the few constants that Coach Kent Austin could count on. As Christmas films go, ‘Fred Claus’ is super under-rated.
‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ = Henry Burris
Despite outwardly having so many blessings in his life, George Bailey feels like something is missing in his life. His dreams of being a world traveler were always thwarted by outside forces so he is constantly looking to prove his worth in his home town of Bedford Falls.
Henry Burris, despite having Hall of Fame worthy numbers, plays with a chip on his shoulder as evidenced by his reaction towards criticism directed at him from TSN. But after winning his second Grey Cup as a starter it feels like there are no more questions about his greatness. Burris hopefully can feel at peace with his place as one of the game’s greatest passers. I’m sure the ending of the Grey Cup led to many tears just like at the end of the film when George is holding Zuzu by the Christmas tree as all his friends and family come to his rescue.
