Hello, Trevor Harris. 15 seconds to pick my own nickname? My clock is running? Wait, what? We’re doing this now? Okay… um… umm… something I’ve never been called before? I don’t know, let’s see… how much time now? EIGHT SECONDS? Okay, okay, Don, be cool here. My name is Don… Don… Don Draper… drape man. The Drape Man. That’s it, the Drape Man.

The hell does that mean? Damn you, Trev the… um… Quarrrrr…terback. I am not good at this.

Here are the Week 1 takeaways.

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THEY SEEM TO KNOW WHEN IT IS GO TIME

If the Saskatchewan Roughriders were left wanting by their productivity for most of their game in Edmonton, they showed they know where the right buttons are as the game drained and a slim lead was being protected in the fourth quarter. A goal line stand to deny the Elks a go ahead touchdown was a defensive masterpiece, with defensive back Rolan Milligan Jr. signing it with a big, blobby oil paint stroke of a play on third down.

Then, Jamal Morrow and the run game found their, um, legs and pushed and shoved their way out from their own 3-yard line, chewing clock and yards (83 all together, 70 of those on the ground) until they turned it over on downs at the Edmonton 24-yard-line with just a couple of seconds to play.

“It should be a confidence-builder,” said head coach Craig Dickenson of the way his team hung in and turned it on when they really needed to.

BONUS TAKEAWAY: Yes, Edmonton lost again. But they did show they have the materials in place to build a pretty good season. “I think they’re gonna be a tough out this year,” said Dickenson.

BONUS BONUS TAKEAWAY: I did Trevor Harris’ nickname game again and this time I came up with “Toggle Switch.”

THE CULTURE SEEMS JUST FINE

That was a hot start for the BC Lions on Thursday night, complete with a super solid game from their starting quarterback, Vernon Adams Jr.

In taking down the Stampeders in Calgary, the Lions came out of the gate in style, serving notice that they can be just fine in the post you-know-who world. Uh, Nathan Rourke is who I’m referencing there. Nathan Rourke. Not Jonathan Kongbo, although that works well, too. The defensive lineman – traded to Hamilton earlier this month – sounded off about the Lions’ locker room culture after the deal.

The Lions answered any doubts about their emotional and intra-team social well being in style, complete with fullback David Mackie exiting the field at McMahon shouting “for the culture,” and pointing to his
wristband, which carried the letters FTC on it.

A rallying cry for just the moment? Or for the entire season? Seems the BC Lions’ culture couldn’t be any better than it already is. Oh, wait. LL Cool J at the opener. Right.

BONUS TAKEAWAY: This time the Trevor Harris nickname challenge got me “The Feral Cat.”

HE KNOWS WHO THEY ARE. DOESN’T HE?

Hamilton Ticats’ Head Coach Orlondo Steinauer dutifully answered questions during his halftime interview on Friday night, in Winnipeg, even if he may have felt like it was the last thing he wanted to do.

The ‘Cats were down by a score of 29-4, and there was nowhere to hide. So Steinauer didn’t even try to.

“Just flat out terrible,” he told the TSN audience.

He then made another observation, one thickly caked in the bitterness of his team’s opening thirty minutes. “This isn’t us,” Steinauer promised. “You’re gonna see a different team in the second half.”

Sure, the Ticats made a huge number of mistakes in their opener, but a final score of 42-31 tells you that Steinauer was right and that they could be a far sight better than they had been during the first thirty.

However.

This takeaway does come with an asterisk, as it needs to be solidified with a top-notch 60 minutes in Toronto in Week 2. Did Hamilton take it two the Bombers in half number two, or did Winnipeg pull a “hold my beer snake” after watching the Ticats’ opening half shenanigans?

“It’s good just to come out with a win,” said Winnipeg coach Mike O’Shea, not really doing a super-convincing job of hiding a disappointed tone.

“We’ll fix all the mistakes tomorrow. Really.”

BONUS TAKEAWAY: Did Willie Jefferson grow during the off-season? He looked even taller to me during Friday night’s game. Two more batted balls against Hamilton. One of these times he’s gonna jump so high he’s gonna swat the moon clear out of earth’s orbit.

BONUS BONUS TAKEAWAY: Another shot at the Trevor Harris nickname game. Drew a total blank for 14 seconds and then blurted out “Goose-Maverick.”

GENO WHO?

Four catches for 120 yards. Four great catches showing off speed, jumping ability, strong hands, and elite body-pretzeling abilities. One of ‘em for 61 yards. And after the game, he moaned that he couldn’t manage to get into the end zone.

Maybe Geno Lewis didn’t leave Montreal at all. Maybe he just changed his name to Austin Mack.

Of course the Alouettes miss Geno. He showed his usual stuff in his Edmonton debut with some beauties, including a signature jump-ball grab on a 102-yard pass and run play for a touchdown. It’s just that Mack’s first outing with the Als gives the impression that Montreal might well have found its next Geno. We shall see.

BONUS TAKEAWAY: We need to find out who “they” are. After Lewis made his scintillating TD catch and run, he looked into the camera and said “they thought it was a fluke.” They did? Who did? Who are these people who thought Geno Lewis’ star turn in Montreal was a fluke? ‘Cause I need to send them a picture of Chris Jones looking disdainfully over his glasses at them.

BONUS NICKNAME GAME TAKEAWAY: I got “Wallet Guy.” Because I was looking at my wallet.

HE’S THE MONTY BURNS OF THE CFL. IN THIS ONE – AND JUST THIS ONE – VERY SPECIFIC WAY

Springfield’s wealthiest inhabitant is famous for a number of things; forgetting Homer Simpson’s name and trying to block out the sun so that citizens need more nuclear power to run their homes both come to mind. So does releasing the hounds.

That last one he has in common with Ottawa defensive coordinator Barron Miles, who not only released the pressure package hounds against Montreal on Saturday, he released the pressure package hounds with bees in their mouths and when they barked, they shot bees at Cody Fajardo.

Ottawa’s pass rush harassed Fajardo all night, hurrying him constantly and sacking him six times. “I’ve seen this movie,” I imagine Fajardo saying after each play. “I hate this movie!”

It does not look like the REDBLACKS are gonna just sit back and let opponents marshal all their protection assets into schemes aimed at neutralizing Lorenzo Mauldin Jr. Or was that just a little something special for the team that let you go last season, Mr. Bur… uh… Mr. Miles?

BONUS TAKEAWAY: “Raisin Tart” this time.

AND FINALLY… Congratulations, Ben Major, on officiating your 300th CFL game. Well done, sir. And that comes straight from the Drape Man.